Saturday, 12 December 2009

Narcissistic individuals are obsessed & skilled liars

Kim & Steve Cooper

Narcissistic individuals are obsessed by the fantasy of an ideal and perfect relationship and are skilled liars, so if the above symptoms describe your partner you should be aware that:

he/she may have secret crushes, be having affairs, using pornography and/or conducting ‘cyber’ affairs (all the while lying that they are single) all without your knowledge. If you notice their mind often appears elsewhere, and they show other symptoms of this disorder, this may be the reason.

Not all individuals showing the symptoms of NPD are physically abusive, it is a significant indicator however that you may end up part of a violent marriage ...

“The physical abuse is not always perpetrated by the narcissist either. It is normal to become very angry with someone who manipulates and puts you down.”

Narcissism looks like this...

“You and your children are treated very different in private than in public.”

In public you may be ignored while your partner gives all of their attention to others, but pretends to be the perfect husband, father, wife or mother ...

“in private they are sarcastic, haughty, insulting and put people down (even friends) behind their back.”

Maybe you know my husband Steve and I from “The Love Safety Net,” our popular online movies or radio show? Well today I will share with you some of our history which I believe may help if you are having problems with chronic fighting and/or abuse in your family or your marriage.

If you live with someone who puts you down and insults you, there is information here that will help you bring peace and security back to your home and your life. Please take your time and read what we have to share carefully as you will not find this information anywhere else.

Does Someone Close to You Suffer from Narcissism? ...

“Our story involves narcissism or NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), a major factor in domestic abuse and chronic fighting and we have gone public with our experience to help others learn to recognise and deal with this all too common problem.”

After years of conflict, I was directed to read information on-line which led me to suspect Steve was suffering from Narcissism or NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder).

“When I talked to a professional mental health worker about my suspicions, he agreed and told me outright that I should divorce Steve and that there was no cure. Even worse I was treated like a fool for thinking he could get better.”

Despite this (and even though his behaviour was hurting me) I refused to abandon him. In my heart I knew that leaving was the wrong thing for me to do. There HAD to be answers. I received lots of professional help and advice, learned a lot about psychology (and made tons of mistakes) until finally discovered from a local police officer the first of the steps that I would take to end the fighting and bring peace to our lives.

First I am going to tell you a little about narcissism, but please note that I am not saying this was all Steve’s fault. Later in my story you will learn about codependence which I know now was my role in our problems. These are problems I believe that you can overcome as we did.

Someone with symtoms of NPD will also show little or no regard for your well-being or feelings and may act as if they are superior and more popular than you (and show favouritism between the kids) while often being cold, arrogant, withdrawn and unavailable.

“The criticism, insults and lack of involvement or concern for your well-being and feelings may cause you and/or your children to feel rejected, hurt, humiliated, powerless, ashamed, angry and can also lead to mental health and psychological problems and addictions within your family.”

A narcissist will act as if they should never be questioned and that they deserve things that they haven’t worked for or earned or trade on other peoples honesty and hard work and they may lie and manipulate people for attention, acting a bit too good to be true.

“Indeed they can be very charming and even humble in public and this will fool people and few will believe you if you disclose how they talk to you in private or the things they say behind other peoples backs.”

I write from our experience, but there are narcissistic women as well; the statistics say that there are more men than women with narcissism, our audience however is about 50/50.

“Female narcissists cause their male partners just as much pain and humiliation and cause just as much chaos and destruction in their own lives and the lives of the people close to them.”

If you are a man dealing with a woman in your life who displays this behaviour, we certainly feel for you.

“It is not black and white or men versus women either. Most of us have narcissistic tendencies which can affect our relationships badly. Learning to deal with Steve’s narcissism helped me face my immature and selfish side too.”

A narcissistic partner or family member will lie and paint a bad picture of you. They do this to justify their own bad behaviour and try and gain sympathy from others while kidding themselves that it is the truth.

“You may have no idea of all of the lies they are telling you or the lies and exaggerations they may be telling others about you.”

If your partner creates fights when you try to discuss money, you should be aware that they may be hiding credit cards or money transactions from you. They will pretend these fights are your fault, but this is really an attempt to cover their own guilt by trying to put the blame on you.

“Obsession with fantasy is part of what makes them unavailable, impatient and angry with you and is a major symptom of narcissism. You may not want to consider this possibility, I know I didn’t believe it until the evidence was right in front of me ... and then I was shattered.”

It is even normal after years of this treatment (especially if you discover that they have been cheating on you, after years of insults, rudeness and blaming you for everything wrong in their life) for you to want to harm them or wish them dead. This is obviously very serious and so getting (the right) help and support is very important, but can be nearly impossible to find. We care and are we are here to help, so if your are facing these problems, please bookmark this page right now (so you will be sure to be able to find it later) and then continue reading.

“We want to see you moving past feeling resentful and wanting to punish you partner (or wanting revenge) to feeling secure and good about yourself and moving into a new time in your life where you are loved, respected and valued in your family, community and your home.”

If your partner is narcissistic there are people who will tell you that the only answer is to ‘leave and have no contact’, but this is very dangerous advice. This is exactly how to provoke and escalate rage and physical (and emotional) abuse and domestic violence in couples with these problems. It may also result in stalking. Even worse the perpetrator of the violence and stalking might be you, as partners of narcissists are often enraged by how callously their partners can ‘cast them aside' with no explanation.

“More people are killed or injured in domestic disputes when leaving their relationship or in the two months after leaving than at any other time.”

If you want to leave, of course that is OK, but please get our advice first on how to do this safely and how to get closure. You need to consider that setting up house somewhere else may put you on even less sure footing than you are already and is no guarantee that the fighting will cease or that you will be safer. Statistics show instead that it will in fact often make the fighting worse.

Confronting your partner with evidence they may have this disorder is NOT the solution.

Do you sometimes worry that yourself or your partner will need years of therapy to get better? I once thought that this would be the only thing that would help Steve, but thankfully I was wrong and it was other very different things which turned our marriage around. I struggled with this problem for years on my own and it was one of the hardest times of my life.

There is NO evidence of therapy being successful in treating narcissism, so you don’t need to try and coerce your partner into therapy. Personality disorders are best helped with a reparative relationship. This is why we sometimes call our approach ‘parenting the adult’; Just as learning new parenting skills can help your child feel safe and learn better behaviour, you can learn new ways of responding and relating to your partner that will help de-escalate the fighting.

Narcissists don’t think anything is wrong with them and so will not stick with therapy anyway (and we believe this is why many professionals don’t believe there is any effective treatment for NPD), so please, if symptoms on this page sound like you or your partner, don’t rush out to find a psychologist, psychiatrist or doctor (or get lost in the gloom online while searching for information on this subject) until we get the chance to give you some sound practical guidance. Don’t worry, soon we will direct you where to get help and guide you step by step on how to do this correctly, without making the mistakes that most people do.

I talk about each step in detail, exactly what to do, and the common mistakes to avoid when you join my free email list.

I hope that by sharing our experience it will protect you from some of the mistakes we made and the bitter and nasty people I ran into when I first discovered Steve was NPD. We have information for you to put to use immediately if you are facing this problem (and advice on how to find the best professionals to help you). I look forward to sharing the steps I took to fix our marriage even when everyone said it was hopeless

“It took us a long time to go public with our story, but after things had been better with us for a few years we decided that we just couldn’t stay quiet any longer.”

We saw so many people suffering that we decided we had to speak up. It was truly embarrassing at first, but getting emails every day (like the ones you will read over the next few pages) has more than made up for this.

3 Vital questions to know you are not the abuser and

3 Things to stop doing immediately (which only make the fighting worse)


Bullet Immediately after subscribing we will send you an email with a link to a (free) private page which will give you the 3 questions and lots more information including a check list of points that will help you better see what narcissism (and codependence) looks like.

All of this is completely free and only 2 simple steps away.”

We have lots of practical advice to offer and you will never spend hours again searching for information on narcissism. Family breakdown is probably the biggest problem in the community and we work diligently to provide you with the most up-to-date information available as cheaply as we possibly can. We are real people and we genuinely want to help you get on the road today to better relationships and a happier life.

I also want to share with you what I have learned about codependence (which our team also calls emotional dependence), which is a term used to describe people who are repeatedly attracted to people with NPD. Codependence and Narcissism are sometimes called ‘a dance’ (of destruction and despair) ...Have you had difficulty forming happy and peaceful relationships? Has attracting lasting love been painful for you? Do you often feel emotionally neglected and in despair? Have you had more than one troubled relationship in your life?

I want to share with you how I overcame these problems and put a stop to the abuse and how this changed everything for me and also helped Steve.

You can check out all the details here

Thanks for reading and please hang in there,
Your Friend,

Kim Cooper

To view the original of this article CLICK HERE

Hamish McLeod GROSSART52 born 07-Apr-1957

SPECulative Society of Edinburgh Member

Non-Executive Chairman joined the board as chairman in 1996.
Cairn Energy PLC
currently also non-executive deputy chairman
Cairn India Limited
a non-executive director Member and Chairman of the Audit, Remuneration, Nomination & Corporate Governance Committees

British Polythene Industries PLC
Deputy Chairman
Artemis Investment Management Limited
a non-executive director

Quality Care Homes
Scottish Radio Holdings
Digital Bridges
Barker & Dobson - (Drayton Consolidated Trust) - Alma Holdings
Royal Doulton
Eclipse Blinds
Scottish Highland Hotels
Hicking Pentecost
EFT Group

He has over 20 years' experience on public company boards, in a wide range of industries,

both in an executive and non-executive capacity, frequently with catastrophic consequences.

He has left:
a long trail of broken lives, betrayed staff, colleagues and women,

who have suffered from his emotional inadequacies and lack of maturity.

A weak and bullying individual,
who brings shame and unhappiness to his children,

and those who misguidedly cared for him, as he sets out to prove his worth to himself.

Always acting egocentrically at the expense of those he can bully, exploit and control.
An emotional Narcissist & a manipulative sociopath.

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